Thank Goodness for Big Noses!!!

Yes that's me.  Having been a complete klutz and tripped over a folded long table.  I know, it really takes a special sort of ditziness to be able to do this, but well...I AM that special person.

Here's what I can tell you:  I was trying (apparently) to help set up for our big 5K event. yet I was able to mess my little part up.  Idiot.

Yet so many people came to my aid which was so immensely kind of all of them, especially my boss, the Principal.  He was the best!

Also one of the teachers drove me to the ER and stayed with me the whole time- how kind are they both!?!  At this point it's been about 2 wks out & apparently (grrr) I still have to wear these steri-strips to help keep the tissue closed, otherwise it could open up & make a worse scar than I will otherwise have.  Lovely.

I must say, I never would have thought that I was SO thankful for my Father's genetic background being Swedish & German (My Mom's side has German as well), b/c that gave me my big nose!!!  I was always afraid it would mean I would be forbidden from double decker (2 scoops) ice cream cones!  BUT b/c my nose is so large it took the brunt of the fall and did NOT break my glasses- which we all know cost way too much!  So yay to big noses!!

Right now I have no steri-strips on my nose, so that it may breathe.  But I've been told I have to be sure to sleep with them on so the wound doesn't open.  I am to only have the strips off 2 hrs/day- which is fine, I don't need to bleed all over the place nor do I want an ugly scar.

I have to say though, overall.. not that bad.  To that I am truly grateful.  I am also grateful to so many people who showed concern.  So kind of them.  I can't thank everyone enough!

So let's all be thankful to all those who help us out everyday!  Even better- let them know that you appreciate what they have done for you!  We all love that pick-me-up when people let us know how we have helped them, so pay it forward- thank as many people as you can!

Wishing you God's Blessings!

Peace!

Car accidents are No Fun!

No Fun!

Well as you can see my car was totaled almost 2 wks ago.  It was on Monday Sept. 2nd, Labor Day, that I was involved in a hit & run.  As I was turning onto my street at my apt. complex the car behind me smashed into me.  I saw them slow down then take off!  Luckily there were other witnesses who called the police & ambulance.  I spent most of my time w/ the paramedics but the witnesses gave their testimony to the police.

Admittedly it was a rough week, but in a weird way it was nice to have been so busy at work b/c I didn't have time to focus on it or have a pity party.  To this day I haven't cried about it.  No doubt I will... in time.

For now, I have a new car as this one was deemed a total loss and only good for salvage.  It will take some time to adjust & trust myself driving again.
I think what bothers me now is how little emotion I've been able to release.  I'm, always on guard for when the next shoe will drop & therefore don't let my guard down for a second.  Even though I know I need to to allow the emotions to run their course.  Between dealing w/ car insurance "stuff" & medical insurance "stuff"... none of which I am familiar with or understand, I feel lost.  I am very uncomfortable w/ such emotions, well ok, any emotions.  I don't know what's normal in these situations nor to I feel confident when purchasing a car.  They will always find a way to get you.

So clearly this has been a huge help to my nerves.  NOT!!!!  But I am doing the best I can.  I can see it now, at some random point in time, for no reason, I will start crying.  I won't know why, just balling my butt off.

However, this whole experience has taught me that I was SOOOO SOOO lucky!  I walked away w/ bruises & a sprained neck & left shoulder.  It could have been so much worse.  That is huge.  Plus, I really do feel sorry for whoever it was that hit my car & sped off.  That guilt is something they will have to live with.

To that end I AM truly grateful for not being as hurt as I could have been.  Tonight let's all be thankful for at least 2 things in our lives- even though there are many more things in our lives to be thankful for!!!

Peace,

Being on One's Own Journey

I'm feeling deep tonight, maybe because it's a Friday night or maybe it's the moon or my hormones, who knows.

I started watching a Britcom on Hulu tonight called "This Way Up".  I love, LOVE Britcoms!  They're hilarious yet cut to the quick.  This one is about a younger adult sister who is out of a program after having a nervous break down & finding her way back to "normal".  So I may never have had a break down but I have high anxiety so I relate to her.  Although I really love living alone & couldn't imagine living any other way, I do at times miss having interaction with others.  However that's where I am lucky when it comes to friendships at work & outside of work.

I was texting a friend from my old job last week b/c it was his birthday & we decided we need to get the gang together.  It was so nice to speak w/ a friend I hadn't spoken to since... well probably his last birthday!  Plus since then one of my best friends has worked where he does for an extended amount of time so we can ALL get together!  I'm really looking forward to it!  I think it'll be in a few weekends.

This past week people have been coming back to work which has been lovely if I do say so!  Plus I've gotten to see some of my kids (former students) and that has been great!

I often immerse myself in work so I don't notice I'm lonely, it's just easier this way.  However weekends can be difficult.  Luckily w/ my new position I'm pretty busy 24/7!  Don't worry, I still do my meditations & prayers & yoga (I should be doing more yoga if I'm being honest!).  So that helps me to stay grounded.

It's just so comforting to know that whatever the situation, I can reach out & others will help me up!  It does though make me sad for those who do not feel they have others to reach out to b/c odds are they really do, they just don't know it or trust it.  Those are the people I often pray for the most.  The ones who feel utterly alone & unloved.  They don't know or feel that God is always with them and they/we are never alone.  Never.

Ok, enough of this deep stuff!!!!  It makes me warm to my soul to know that although I may be on my own journey, I have many others who help me along.  For that, I am truly grateful.

Peace!

Birthdays & Forever Homes

 

Yesterday, August 15th was my father's birthday.  I called him to wish him happy birthday as one does & he was so happy!  After having some severe strokes a few years ago it was such a delight to hear him so happy!!!!!  Now a days it's the little things that bring out the best in him.  Sometimes (more often than I want to admit) I mourn the man he was vs the perceived shell he is now.  Yet, I cannot be in wonder at the fact that he is SO happy for the little victories.  Isn't that what we all should be like?  Delighted in the small, every day, minutia.

My Dad doesn't write so well anymore (Ok, as if any engineer ever wrote well!?!), he doesn't walk so well either & has a difficult time having a real conversation.  BUT... but the last time I visited them was wonderful.  Past issues have melted away & forgotten and it's the precious time we have together that counts.  I feel such pain for him b/c his brain is probably still extremely sharp, sharper than I could ever hope to be- yet he can't get the words out.  Unbearably frustrating.

I have started writing my parents weekly again. We haven't done that since I was in graduate school in Ames for Developmental Genetics.  It's fun & I really learn from the questions we ask each other.

My Mom & I used to write weekly asking each other a rather deep question in our letters.  It helped me from the loneliness of living in a different state w/ no relatives and was really a lot of fun.  I mean who doesn't love snail mail!?!

The last time I saw my parents was not this summer but the one before.  I recall my father saying he needed his home.  I was crushed & heart broken as he was home & clearly the strokes took a harder effect than I realized.  But I was wrong!  After he said that, Mom came up to him and hugged him for an extended time.  The he & she said "This is our home".   Home was being with each other.

Home was with each other!

It was one of the most beautiful expressions of love I've ever witnessed.  I was so happy for them yet somewhat jealous at the same time.  They have what so many strive for.  It's incredible to see.  Their home is with each other, period.  That's what 52 yrs. of marriage will do.

How does one NOT see the divine in that!?!

This post is dedicated to them both & all the other couples who are truly soulmates.  You are my heroes & a light for us all.

Controlling the Anxiety

Hello!  Well ever since I've had my new position I've overwhelmed.  It seems everyone wants me to "fix" whatever issue/problem they deem the most important & it must be fixed NOW!

I sort of want to scream, hang on, let me get my bearings straight & put some real thought into this before moving forward.  Haste makes waste, I've heard it forever but have learned/lived it the hard way.  It is so true.

My new position excites me & motivates me, there are so many possibilities.  But...let's do this right!

I actually signed up for an app/online service/community called Unwinding Anxiety where you have daily online lessons (very short) and exercises to do & journaling.  I am hoping it helps me cope & thrive under the pressure I put on myself.  And heaven forbid maybe learn NOT to put so much pressure on myself.

Amidst all this one of my colleagues & friends bought me the sweetest thing, it is a tea bag holder!  It holds 8 types of teas on one side & 8 types on the other & it is space efficient so it's just perfect for my new office which is much smaller than my previous one.

Sometimes we forget to see the good that others do for us b/c we are caught up in our own perceived issues (real or not).  I am truly blest to have so many good, kind people in my life.  I need to slow down & take account of how loved I really am.

Life Around Us

Ok, so I'll admit I have no reason for this image other than I like it & I LOVE oceans!  As my parents can attest, as a child I would gleefully shout/demand that Jacque Cousteau was on TV (PBS of course)!  I couldn't pronounce his name properly as I was about 3 yrs old but my love of oceans has remained!

The more we learn about the oceans and what creatures live at different depths and how they communicate within their own groups is AMAZING! We know more about outer space than we do about our own oceans!  But for me, it is in the learning of how these different species live & thrive under great duress than fascinates me.  We think we are the pinnacle of life, yet it seems we are not as open minded to what we can learn from other species.

Then that takes me to, well what are we missing about understanding each other as humans?  We definitely have different groups who communicate differently with each other yet we try to help & understand each other.  But do we do enough?  Are we doing all we can to learn about, honor & integrate the best of all our differences so we can learn from each other & grow to be better images of God?  God created everyone & everything in the world, universe, multiverse- which means we are ALL the Beloved!  So how do we live that out to our best?

That is really the question isn't it?  For me, I suffer from extreme anxiety/depression, so I do yoga, I pray a lot (a LOT) and I not only use scripture but publications such as "Mindfulness" to help me find a balance in my life.  Granted, it's a work in progress, but growing closer to God is always a work in progress.

For me, learning more about life around us & trying to understand how these different lives work together helps me see God in everything.  Whether it be in the oceans, land or in the multiverse, there is so much God has to teach us about how to live & more importantly how to live & love all those around us.

This weekend I have the honor to meet up w/ some wonderful friends & share a meal.  I hope you will be with friends as well.

Friends

There are times in life where everything is great & other times where you feel lost.  The one constant I have found in life are my friends.  They are there to support me when I am in a low spot and there to celebrate when things are going wonderfully.  I can only hope that I am there in the same way for them as well.

The tide will always come in & out & sometimes the seas are rough but other times they are bountiful, but the sea is always there (for now according to scientists!).  That is how I feel about my friends!  I have a tight knit group of friends who make sure we gather for a meal a few times/year to stay in touch & support each other.  Tomorrow I'm going to see one of my closest friends.  She has been there for me in my darkest times and is always supportive and encouraging!  I feel like I owe her so much more than I've given her.  But we are always there to listen to each other, to be silly with each other and everything in-between.  I have been blessed with having more friends than I realize.  I'm not the most cuddly or trusting of people, I often prefer solitude.  Yet time & again people reach out when I need them the most. 

Sometimes I just need to sit in silence w/ another being, knowing we don't have to speak- rather to just be.  Other times I want someone to laugh with to watch a funny movie or just giggle!  Other times I need to cry, maybe for a reason, maybe not.  Just to know I'm not alone as I tend to think I want to be but in reality I don't always want to be.

Be sure to reach out to your friends & let them know how much they mean to you!  Because mine- keep me sane... well, as sane as I can get!  :-)  For them, I am a very loved person!  How awesome is that!?!