Being on One's Own Journey

I'm feeling deep tonight, maybe because it's a Friday night or maybe it's the moon or my hormones, who knows.

I started watching a Britcom on Hulu tonight called "This Way Up".  I love, LOVE Britcoms!  They're hilarious yet cut to the quick.  This one is about a younger adult sister who is out of a program after having a nervous break down & finding her way back to "normal".  So I may never have had a break down but I have high anxiety so I relate to her.  Although I really love living alone & couldn't imagine living any other way, I do at times miss having interaction with others.  However that's where I am lucky when it comes to friendships at work & outside of work.

I was texting a friend from my old job last week b/c it was his birthday & we decided we need to get the gang together.  It was so nice to speak w/ a friend I hadn't spoken to since... well probably his last birthday!  Plus since then one of my best friends has worked where he does for an extended amount of time so we can ALL get together!  I'm really looking forward to it!  I think it'll be in a few weekends.

This past week people have been coming back to work which has been lovely if I do say so!  Plus I've gotten to see some of my kids (former students) and that has been great!

I often immerse myself in work so I don't notice I'm lonely, it's just easier this way.  However weekends can be difficult.  Luckily w/ my new position I'm pretty busy 24/7!  Don't worry, I still do my meditations & prayers & yoga (I should be doing more yoga if I'm being honest!).  So that helps me to stay grounded.

It's just so comforting to know that whatever the situation, I can reach out & others will help me up!  It does though make me sad for those who do not feel they have others to reach out to b/c odds are they really do, they just don't know it or trust it.  Those are the people I often pray for the most.  The ones who feel utterly alone & unloved.  They don't know or feel that God is always with them and they/we are never alone.  Never.

Ok, enough of this deep stuff!!!!  It makes me warm to my soul to know that although I may be on my own journey, I have many others who help me along.  For that, I am truly grateful.

Peace!

Birthdays & Forever Homes

 

Yesterday, August 15th was my father's birthday.  I called him to wish him happy birthday as one does & he was so happy!  After having some severe strokes a few years ago it was such a delight to hear him so happy!!!!!  Now a days it's the little things that bring out the best in him.  Sometimes (more often than I want to admit) I mourn the man he was vs the perceived shell he is now.  Yet, I cannot be in wonder at the fact that he is SO happy for the little victories.  Isn't that what we all should be like?  Delighted in the small, every day, minutia.

My Dad doesn't write so well anymore (Ok, as if any engineer ever wrote well!?!), he doesn't walk so well either & has a difficult time having a real conversation.  BUT... but the last time I visited them was wonderful.  Past issues have melted away & forgotten and it's the precious time we have together that counts.  I feel such pain for him b/c his brain is probably still extremely sharp, sharper than I could ever hope to be- yet he can't get the words out.  Unbearably frustrating.

I have started writing my parents weekly again. We haven't done that since I was in graduate school in Ames for Developmental Genetics.  It's fun & I really learn from the questions we ask each other.

My Mom & I used to write weekly asking each other a rather deep question in our letters.  It helped me from the loneliness of living in a different state w/ no relatives and was really a lot of fun.  I mean who doesn't love snail mail!?!

The last time I saw my parents was not this summer but the one before.  I recall my father saying he needed his home.  I was crushed & heart broken as he was home & clearly the strokes took a harder effect than I realized.  But I was wrong!  After he said that, Mom came up to him and hugged him for an extended time.  The he & she said "This is our home".   Home was being with each other.

Home was with each other!

It was one of the most beautiful expressions of love I've ever witnessed.  I was so happy for them yet somewhat jealous at the same time.  They have what so many strive for.  It's incredible to see.  Their home is with each other, period.  That's what 52 yrs. of marriage will do.

How does one NOT see the divine in that!?!

This post is dedicated to them both & all the other couples who are truly soulmates.  You are my heroes & a light for us all.

Controlling the Anxiety

Hello!  Well ever since I've had my new position I've overwhelmed.  It seems everyone wants me to "fix" whatever issue/problem they deem the most important & it must be fixed NOW!

I sort of want to scream, hang on, let me get my bearings straight & put some real thought into this before moving forward.  Haste makes waste, I've heard it forever but have learned/lived it the hard way.  It is so true.

My new position excites me & motivates me, there are so many possibilities.  But...let's do this right!

I actually signed up for an app/online service/community called Unwinding Anxiety where you have daily online lessons (very short) and exercises to do & journaling.  I am hoping it helps me cope & thrive under the pressure I put on myself.  And heaven forbid maybe learn NOT to put so much pressure on myself.

Amidst all this one of my colleagues & friends bought me the sweetest thing, it is a tea bag holder!  It holds 8 types of teas on one side & 8 types on the other & it is space efficient so it's just perfect for my new office which is much smaller than my previous one.

Sometimes we forget to see the good that others do for us b/c we are caught up in our own perceived issues (real or not).  I am truly blest to have so many good, kind people in my life.  I need to slow down & take account of how loved I really am.